Thursday, September 26, 2013

I did it for my daughters

My two daughters love to hear stories from my tour in the US Air Force. We laugh when we call them "war stories"—because I served mostly during the 1980s in a software development group in Montgomery, AL. 

The only war I fought was the war to integrate women into the military.

I was the first female officer that most of my subordinates had ever seen. They knew I'd just graduated from college and that I'd grown up in a rural Mississippi town. They had me pegged as a naive, helpless, Southern belle. I was assigned to report to a civil servant who hated the idea of women in the military and who thought it was impossible for an officer to be competent without prior enlisted time. I was screwed on both counts. 

I know that my boss believed these things because he actually said so at staff meetings--in front of the men I outranked. Other gems included:

  • "There's only one reason a woman would ever join the military—because she's a [gay female] or a [promiscuous woman.]"
  • "The colonel is making me lie about the lieutenant on her performance report. I have to say she's good."
  • "This code is brilliant. I don't believe the lieutenant wrote it."
  • "I feel sorry for the lieutenant when she marries. No man worth having would ever want her."

Most of the time, I chose to suck it up, but that last one got to me. I rose from my end of the table and walked out of the room while the civil servant yelled, "Beth, get back in here." Yes, he was using my first name—a blatant sign of disrespect.

I stood in the center of the hallway, visible to my staff, obviously being insubordinate, struggling to decide what to do, close to falling apart all while knowing that, if I did, it would set back women-in-the-military in a major way. The division's Chief Master Sergeant (E9) approached me and asked me what was wrong. I just stared at him, unable to speak. Then he heard what my boss was screaming at me. Chief turned and stalked into the conference room. It grew quiet. He said softly, "Everyone out except [boss]." My staff filed out in silence. Chief kicked the door shut.

I never had trouble from my boss again. 

At his final enlistment ceremony, Chief asked me to swear him in. On the day he retired from the Air Force, he saluted me last. Both were extreme signs of respect.

Three decades later, Chief contacted me on Facebook. Before friending me, he wanted to make sure it was okay with my husband. (And let me tell you, I married a man worth having.) Instead of Lieutenant and Chief, we're Beth and Jim now. I'm one of the few folks he's in contact with from that time. I think it's because I'm one of the "guys" worth knowing. (Back at you, Jim.)

I tell my daughters these stories, and they find it so amazing how kick-ass I had to be—because that's really not me now. My daughters shake their heads in wonder, as if I'd been living in a fairy tale. No one has ever made them feel less because they are female. No one has ever suggested that there are boundaries to what they can achieve because they have an extra X chromosome.

I did it for my daughters and for your daughters and for any child who is ever judged for factors beyond their control. And I couldn't have done it without men like Chief.


5 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing! The Chief sounds like a great leader and a great person.

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  2. Great story. Our daughters should definitely thank you and all women who have blazed new paths and fought opinions like those in the article to achieve what they want. Our sons should also give thanks because when those attitudes are erradicated their lives are better for it too.

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  3. We should never forget, that men who behaves like this, showing extreem disrespect to their subordinates, are suffering from low self esteem. It doesn't make it easier to accept or being on the receiving end of but it helps show how pathetic they are... Well done for sticking up for yourself then, which ultimately helped make the world a better place! Thank the Lord for people like ''Chief'''!

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  4. I love this so much. To have people like the Chief out there in this world. They are there and when you find them, it's a wonderful thing. Thank you for sharing this.

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  5. This line sounded all too familiar to me... "Yeah, he was using my first name—a deliberate sign of blatant disrespect." One of my former managers would go around the table in status meetings addressing each of us, and it would go like this... "Mr. Smith, how are things going for you?", "Mr. Brown, how's that project coming along?", "Ann, how are things with you?", "Mr. White, how's code review going?" I always found it so obnoxiously disrespectful. I didn't particularly want to be called "Mrs. Q" in the workplace since that's not how we typically address each other around here, but I wanted the same respect the men were given. In a room full of 6-8 people, only the two women were called by their first names. I should have called him out on it. I just didn't have the courage then. I'm glad you did! And thank goodness for Chief!

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